Aligning Conversations Pt.3: Align

This week, I’ve been discussing what I call aligning conversations, those sometimes difficult discussions that serve to redirect in small or large ways those we lead in order to increase organizational effectiveness.  We began with an overview of what an aligning conversation is, and yesterday we began looking at the first of 4 components to having a healthy aligning conversation: CELEBRATE.  The conversation begin with CELEBRATE- celebrate what they are doing well.  Take time and show them that they are valued and are in many ways having a positve contribution to the organization. Our staff is journeying through Kouzes & Posner’s new book, The Truth About Leadership, and they sum this up nicely, saying “Leaders make others feel important and are gracious in showing their appreciation.”  Beginning by celebrating gives you the equity to have the difficult aligning portion of the conversation.

Today, I want to turn our attention toward the part of the conversation everyone dreads:

ALIGN

This is the part of the conversation that I guarantee will have the most tension, and that is nearly unavoidable… so be ready for it and lead through this part of the conversation well.

The Lead In

So you’ve set the conversation up with a healthy foundation of CELEBRATION.  The transition into the aligning portion is very important.  You wouldn’t sloppily drive your car onto the alignment rack… rather, you’d carefully pull in with some guidance.  I think an excellent way to lead in to the alignment part of the conversation is simply to wrap the celebration of what they are doing well, how they contribute, etc, and use a leading statement like this:

“I’m grateful that those things are going well, aren’t you?  Now, I want to take a few minutes and talk through a few things that I feel like aren’t going as well as I’d like to see, and I’d like to challenge you a bit to step it up in these areas, and I’m going to walk with you through this to make sure you have everything you need to succeed at this.”

Here, we transitioned with letting them know that there will be a discussion of some things to shore up, and the assurance that you will help them navigate through it and succeed.  Now it’s time to dive in and work.

The Nuts and Bolts of Alignment

Here are some key elements to a successful alignment:

1. Remind them up front that this isn’t personal. I think this is really important so they don’t get defensive.  Starting by celebrating can really let them feel excited about being on the team and excited that you’ve noticed they’ve done some good things, but if they begin thinking this is a personal “attack”, it can undermine the whole effort you made to celebrate them.  Be clear on this.  You can even say something like “Now as we dive in to a few things I think you can do better, I just want to remind you that these are just some tweaks I’d like to see that are important to the mission here at the organization, and in no way is this about you as a person, so let’s get that out of the way up front.  These aren’t about who you are, they are about what you do. Are you ready to move on?”
2. Be Clear On The Expectation. Make sure you’re clear about what’s expected.  Don’t be ambiguous.  Clearly state what’s expected: “My expectation is that we’d do x and y.”  This is your opportunity to cast vision for what should be in concrete, tangible steps.  This is the plum line, the ideal, the 100% they should be striving for.  It is a great opportunity to discuss why the expectation being met is so important.  If you have failed to give them clear expectations prior to this, apologize and tell them humbly, “I want to apologize in advance… I realize I did not set you up well to succeed.  I expect xyz, and I did not clearly communicate that to you.”
3. Be Clear on How They Are Missing It. Make sure you’re clear about how they have missed the mark. “My expectation is that you’d do x & y in this way, and you haven’t done that.  I need to see x & y done like this” (or whatever your measurable outcome might be.)  Give concrete examples, but don’t overwhelm them with a bullet list of all the things they did wrong in the last 5 years.  Give them an example of a project or task that they missed the mark on, and give them concrete examples of how they did not live up to your expectation.
4. Take Time to Understand Their Point of View. This is a great opportunity to pause and get some feedback from them (and to reduce tension).  How are they feeling about what you’ve said?  Do they agree with you?  Why do they feel these slip-ups occurred?  This might be a time you discover a hidden cause for their lack of performance (whether that be stress at home, not having the tools to succeed, not clearly understanding expectations, etc).  You can gather some information regarding their thought process which will give you tremendous insight into how they think and how you can better lead them in the future.  My boss is great at this.  He’ll ask questions like, “Help me understand why you made this decision” or “Help me understand how you thought it would be fine if xyz happened…”  Taking time to let them speak helps reduce tension as well, because it helps feel like a conversation and not a scolding.
5. Be Clear on How They Can Improve.  Now that you’ve given time for feedback, help set the tone for what’s next.  Use concrete action steps, like “I’d love to see you do x by such and such time.  If you would do xyz consistently (2-3 times/week), that to me would show improvement.”  This is HUGE… they need to walk away understanding that they have missed it, but also understanding very clearly what they need to do to hit the mark.  If you don’t make this clear, they will walk away feeling overwhelmed about how to improve.

I think these are some practical tips that I hope will help you navigate through what can be a tense moment.  Tomorrow, we’ll dive into the 3rd element of a healthy aligning conversation that can build on the foundation you just poured and can give you even greater credibility as a leader.

 

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