What Makes You Worry?

Okay, I’m going to admit it:  I’m a closet worrier when it comes to my kids.

When Brendan (our 7-year-old) was much younger, his pediatrician detected a heart murmur in his heartbeat.  We were sent to a specialist.  I was scared to death.  I’ve heard too many stories on the news and my mind was racing.  The doctor told us that it was definitely there and to watch it but that he’d probably be okay and that he might even outgrow it.

I’m not going to tell you exactly what went through my mind, but suffice it to say, I played multiple scenarios in my mind.  I mean, it’s THE HEART.  It’s a pretty stinkin’ VITAL ORGAN.   “Woe is us,” I thought.  

He’s 7 now.  Heart murmur: gone.  Not there anymore.  Now what good did all that worry accomplish?  Nothing.  If anything I guess it at least reminded me how much I love my son (he’s a great kid, by the way, not that you asked!)

Over Christmas break we noticed a small lump on Brayden’s back.  It’s about 2 inches tall by 3-4 inches wide.  We took him to the doctor and he didn’t think it was anything serious but wanted to monitor it.  He said it didn’t feel like a tumor but he wanted to be careful and keep an eye on it.  We waited a few weeks for it to go down on it’s own.  It didn’t.  It grew. I was out of town when Annette called me early last week and said, “They want to schedule an MRI.”

Now I have to be honest here: my heart just sank.  MRI= serious business, right?  The emotions I had about Brendan’s old heart murmur all drudged up and reared their ugly head.  I got scared.  I worried.  I’m still worried.  We’re wrestling with the insurance company to get it scheduled.  I don’t have a date scheduled.  I’M READY.  LET’S DO THIS THING.  WHAT IF THIS AND THAT AND…

And then, the still, small voice of the Lord.  Reminding me of a beautiful passage found in Matthew 6:27.  Jesus said, “Which of you by being anxious (worrying) can add a single our to your life?”  My Savior said that.  Good point Jesus!  And remember when Jesus the Savior was asleep on the boat, and the storm arose and the disciples were absolutely freaking out and they woke him up?  He quieted the storm for them… but was obviously dismayed.  The Savior, the One who Colossians says “holds all things together”, was on the boat with them, and yet they were scared.  

So, I know I’m not alone.  A group of men were being tossed about in the waves of life and the One who could save them was right there with them.  They worried needlessly.  I admit sometimes it feels worlds apart.  I mean that was 2000 years ago and He was physically right there.  He’s not sitting here sleeping on my couch.  So, I get afraid sometimes.  I worry.

Finally, I think of the words of Paul in Philippians.  This verse gives me comfort and strength.  It reminds me that there is One higher than I that knows my needs.  He gives a rip about me enough to put these words here to remind me to go to Him.  Not to me.  Not to those scary thoughts in my head.  To Him.  Just Him.  Maybe if you’re still reading, you need to be reminded of this today as much as I do:

“Do not be anxious about anything (don’t worry), but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  (Phil 4:6-7)

May we be anxious about nothing, but rather, trust in Him.  May we live our lives as an example to others that our faith is more than a system of beliefs- it’s a call to a radical life of action and faith.  James says that faith without works is dead.  My work here is to trust Him.  I can’t fix it.  I can’t make it be okay.  As a dad I want to but this time I’m conceding to Him to take care of it.  Capable hands.  Powerful hands.  Calming hands.  This is where the rubber meets the road.  I wait.  I trust.  I’m renewed. Praise be to God.

What makes you worry?

 

I think my prayers are working!

Tonight my 6-year old prayed for our 1-year old (who has been throwing up and has some sort of stomach thing).  He prayed last night and again tonight when we prayed together as a family.

Afterwards he said “I need to pray one more thing.”  Here’s what he said:

“Jesus, I think my prayers are working.”

It’s so amazing to watch a 6 year old with the faith of a mustard seed.  Knowing that God hears him when he prays.  I’d venture to say most adults aren’t convinced that God hears them when they pray.  

When Jesus said “when you pray, pray like this…” (Matt 6:9) I don’t think He meant that it was a nice exercise in futility.   I think He meant that God Himself hears our heart when we express our needs to Him, and like a loving Father desires to take care of us.

Oh to have faith like a child…

 

my hard drive went to be with Jesus…

hello friends…

It is with sadness (and quite a bit of irritation) that I inform you that last night at approximately 10:00 p.m. my hard drive in my MacBook went to be with Jesus.  It was only 5 months old.  It will be missed (as well as my data).

I cannot express the loss that I feel at this time.  Some important data has been lost that cannot be retrieved.

Please be in prayer for my family as I struggle through this difficult time.  I am sure to be grumpy as I rebuild my laptop data from various sources, and as I mourn the loss of data.  I’m sure I’ll remember over time more and more stuff that was lost.  

Thanks for your support and condolences.  I’m grateful.  Please be in prayer that the Apple Store has a replacement hard drive in stock…

 

Unsettled…

You know those people that seem to have everything figured out?  You know, the ones who know exactly what they are supposed to do every step of the way in their lives?  The ones who know every next step and follow “the plan” precisely?

That’s not me.  I have spent most of my life uncomfortable.  I think anytime I start feeling comfortable I do something to insert chaos into the equation.  Maybe it keeps it lively.  Maybe it keeps things interesting.  Maybe it’s immaturity.  Call it what you will.

I envy my friends that work the same job for 10-15 years.  That have great stability.  That walk out of meetings and don’t second-guess what they said, don’t over-analyze every conversation.  I envy the ones that seem to say the right things at all the right times.  The ones who are able to speak well at both services and not just the second one.

I’m glad I’m who I am.  I’m glad I’m who God made me to be.  But I’m one of those people that lay in bed at night and can’t sleep, thinking about my next step, how I can be better at what I do, how I can honor those in authority over me better, how I can be a better husband and father, better lover of God, etc.  For what it’s worth I went to bed an hour or more ago.  I’m up again.

I sometimes think I wish I were more content with everything.  But in my heart I know God has wired me this way to spur change when necessary, both in me and in those around me.  I know He uses me in ways I can’t imagine.  I wish I could be content with that!

How about you?  Are you unsettled?  Are you discontent?  Why do you think that is?  What do you need to change and why?

 

Joshua’s Crossing

I had the privilege this morning of speaking at another church here in town called Joshua’s Crossing.  They are a cool church plant, maybe 3 years old-ish, and they are doing some really cool things over there.  One of my personal core values and a heartbeat of our church is working with and supporting other churches, so when they called and asked me to speak I was very happy to do so.

The first service my mic wasn’t working (which was a great introduction) so I had to use a hand-held (which is really awkward for me) but the second service went really well.  God showed up this morning and I was just blown away.  I had a great time speaking and sharing, and several people came up to me and shared a bit about their lives and what they had been through, or how some part of what I said really touched them.  I love hearing others share about their lives, it’s the best part.

The guy leading worship was 18 and is better now than I ever was when I led worship and people were crazy enough to pay me.  I had a great chat with him and hope he goes far in ministry and life.  The band just did great!  They did a song called Rescue that I think was by Desperation Band that really touched me so I had them do it at the end of the service as well.  I was really blessed to see people encountering God.  It was a great morning!

 

It’s time

a few months ago on here I mentioned I was going to start a new workout (new as in actually start working out).  But that petered out quick.  Things at the church were 90-nothing (always are, that’s a good thing) and I was taking 6 hours of graduate coursework.

But it’s time.  I’m tired of being fat.  It’s been 10 years since I got fat.  I’m tired of the way I feel.  I’m tired of the way I look.  And I’m tired of not being able to take my shirt off at the beach

Seriously though.  Tomorrow, I’m going to the gym and getting a membership.  I’m gonna start with some healthy stuff this weekend, heading towards Monday where it’s go-time.  Protein shakes, chicken breasts, weights 3x a week, cardio 3x a week,gazelle-intense as Dave Ramsey would say.  I’ve been working very hard at getting some thing organized in my life and I’m really ready to go.

I hate asking for help but I thought if I posted here and you guys checked on me there’s no going back.  So would you help encourage me?  Pray for me that I’ll be dedicated, focused, gazelle-intense.  That my wife will get the husband she’s wanted for a long time.  

I’ll post updates as I go, looking forward to the new me!

 

The View

No, I’m not writing a post about Rosie O’Donnell and that argument with Elizabeth Hasselbeck or whatever her name is. Not talking about Barbara Walters either.

No, I wanted to share with you a couple of views from vacation.
The first was an amazing view. It had just rained so the beach actually looks kinda muggy but it actually turned out pretty beautiful the rest of the week. This view is from the balcony of our hotel room.This was a really great view, at night you could see ships passing by, and occasionally see a couple strolling, holding hands as they walked down the beach together. The breeze from the ocean was just amazing and a just a great place to be. The view in the morning was gorgeous.

All of that, and I found a view on vacation that I thought was even more precious than the ocean and it’s beauty…

Yes, that’s my son Brayden. He’s leaning on my knee, taking a break from me feeding him one night in the hotel room. I thought to myself how special it was that I got to have two amazing boys to invest my life in, and that even though the ocean was beautiful, seriously the way he looked at me far surpassed the ocean. I don’t know what they are thinking at that age but they just seem to be glad to be with you and I was glad to be with them. Now that’s a good view!

 

Is it a sin to turn your cell phone off?

Well this past week I was on vacation and I tried a little experiment: leaving my cell phone in my bag and not using it at all. I succeeded to go from Sunday till Friday with I think only 1 turning-on because I needed to call home or something. The rest of the time I left it in my bag on silent or off.

This was so freeing. It was so nice not being a slave to that thing. My wife commented that it made vacation so much better not having to hear my phone go off or me have to answer 20 calls a day. Even when I set some boundaries and leave it on silent for x amount of time, I feel like so much of my life revolves around using my phone. It would be different if I had a cool phone like the iPhone, but on my pile it’s reduced to just answering other people’s calls.

How about you? What’s the longest you were able to go without using your phone? Do you feel like you can set boundaries and say “I’m spending time with my family tonight, therefore I’m putting it on silent for a few hours” without fear of getting chewed out by someone? What’s your experience?

 

The kid has great taste!

So tonight is the last night of our vacation, it’s been a great one to say the least. We’ve had SO much fun!!

So I figured for our last night, let’s hit up Joe’s Crab Shack on the beach here in Corpus Christi, and we’ll let everyone order what they want, it can be expensive or cheap, whatever, let’s go for it all in our last real vacation meal. I don’t know how Brendan got this in his head, but he said “I think I’ll try the lobster” (keep in mind he’s only 6). Well they don’t have lobster but they do have crab, so my 6 year old orders the king crab. I know it’s weird but in a way I WAS SO PROUD OF HIM AND REALLY PUMPED!! My boy is becoming a man fast! The boy ordered the stinkin’ king crab! He loved it, I was so amazed. I tried a slap and it was very good! (I just ordered the 8oz steak and fried shrimp, I only eat shrimp like once a year but man this was amazing!) Anyway, just thought I’d share it with you, it’s a proud moment and luckily we had Annette’s cell phone (I haven’t used mine this whole trip and it’s been amazing) to snap a photo. Enjoy.