Okay, I’m going to admit it: I’m a closet worrier when it comes to my kids.
When Brendan (our 7-year-old) was much younger, his pediatrician detected a heart murmur in his heartbeat. We were sent to a specialist. I was scared to death. I’ve heard too many stories on the news and my mind was racing. The doctor told us that it was definitely there and to watch it but that he’d probably be okay and that he might even outgrow it.
I’m not going to tell you exactly what went through my mind, but suffice it to say, I played multiple scenarios in my mind. I mean, it’s THE HEART. It’s a pretty stinkin’ VITAL ORGAN. “Woe is us,” I thought.
He’s 7 now. Heart murmur: gone. Not there anymore. Now what good did all that worry accomplish? Nothing. If anything I guess it at least reminded me how much I love my son (he’s a great kid, by the way, not that you asked!)
Over Christmas break we noticed a small lump on Brayden’s back. It’s about 2 inches tall by 3-4 inches wide. We took him to the doctor and he didn’t think it was anything serious but wanted to monitor it. He said it didn’t feel like a tumor but he wanted to be careful and keep an eye on it. We waited a few weeks for it to go down on it’s own. It didn’t. It grew. I was out of town when Annette called me early last week and said, “They want to schedule an MRI.”
Now I have to be honest here: my heart just sank. MRI= serious business, right? The emotions I had about Brendan’s old heart murmur all drudged up and reared their ugly head. I got scared. I worried. I’m still worried. We’re wrestling with the insurance company to get it scheduled. I don’t have a date scheduled. I’M READY. LET’S DO THIS THING. WHAT IF THIS AND THAT AND…
And then, the still, small voice of the Lord. Reminding me of a beautiful passage found in Matthew 6:27. Jesus said, “Which of you by being anxious (worrying) can add a single our to your life?” My Savior said that. Good point Jesus! And remember when Jesus the Savior was asleep on the boat, and the storm arose and the disciples were absolutely freaking out and they woke him up? He quieted the storm for them… but was obviously dismayed. The Savior, the One who Colossians says “holds all things together”, was on the boat with them, and yet they were scared.
So, I know I’m not alone. A group of men were being tossed about in the waves of life and the One who could save them was right there with them. They worried needlessly. I admit sometimes it feels worlds apart. I mean that was 2000 years ago and He was physically right there. He’s not sitting here sleeping on my couch. So, I get afraid sometimes. I worry.
Finally, I think of the words of Paul in Philippians. This verse gives me comfort and strength. It reminds me that there is One higher than I that knows my needs. He gives a rip about me enough to put these words here to remind me to go to Him. Not to me. Not to those scary thoughts in my head. To Him. Just Him. Maybe if you’re still reading, you need to be reminded of this today as much as I do:
“Do not be anxious about anything (don’t worry), but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7)
May we be anxious about nothing, but rather, trust in Him. May we live our lives as an example to others that our faith is more than a system of beliefs- it’s a call to a radical life of action and faith. James says that faith without works is dead. My work here is to trust Him. I can’t fix it. I can’t make it be okay. As a dad I want to but this time I’m conceding to Him to take care of it. Capable hands. Powerful hands. Calming hands. This is where the rubber meets the road. I wait. I trust. I’m renewed. Praise be to God.
What makes you worry?
