5 Questions With John Atkinson Pt. 5

All week we’ve been discussing concepts of relational leadership with John Atkinson.  Some of you are probably nuts by now, asking the question: “Okay, how do I do it?”  Well, I wanted to finish this portion of our discussion by having John share some practical tips for you!  You can read the other posts in this series here:  introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4.

Question #5: Can you give us some examples or practical ways a leader can invest  relationally in their team leaders?

John’s Response:

·       Positive verbal affirmation is critical to Relational Leadership. People need to know that what they are doing matters, and the best way to do that is to constantly reaffirm them. Tell people they are making a difference, tell them how honored you feel to have them on your team, tell them the team needs them, tell them you love them and appreciate their service, sacrifice and friendship. Tell the team often that you can’t believe God saw fit to bless you with this group of people. People need to know that what they are doing is making a difference and as the team leader you must be the person telling them.

·       Take time to do the same exact thing I just talked about, except do it in writing. Thank you cards, a letter, an email, a gift of some kind with a thank you note. Buy someone a great book that you know may speak to something going on in their lives. The key to this, you have to know what’s going on in their lives, which is Relational Leadership 101!

·       Appreciate your leaders! At least three or four times a year we have leadership dinners or events. Take that opportunity to speak into your leadership team lives. Go through each leader and speak to what they mean to you and how you couldn’t do what you do without them. My team actually turned that around on me one year and made me listen while they spoke into my life. It was a blessing beyond words. Buy a special gift for your team members. Something personal that speaks to how much you love and appreciate them. Take time for private dinners and lunch’s with your core team members because those private times build the relationship further.

·       Make sure you’re there for your core team when they need you!!! When there’s sickness or death in their families, don’t send someone else, you go. When there’s a struggle in a marriage or family, you the leader, need to make sure they get the help they need. When someone on your core team needs you for something you really don’t want to do, do it anyway. When your leaders do something great, praise them big time, when they make a mistake that causes big time problems, love them and support them the same way you did when they were tearing it up. Nothing will do more to build this kind of team than them knowing you will stand by them no matter what.

·       Do fun stuff with your team. The team shouldn’t always just meet for ministry stuff. Have parties with fun stuff where you don’t even talk about the ministry. Gather together for football games, go to a movie together, have a BBQ, or anything else that will have your team just hanging out building deeper friendships. For example; I do the Pay Per View Ultimate Fighting Championship fights at my house all the time, and part of my team always comes. The crazy like me part of course. It doesn’t matter what you do, just do something.

·       Make sure you listen to your team. Your team needs to know you care what they have to say. Even though you won’t always do what they want, they need to know you always hearing what they have to say. Make sure everyone on your team feels like what they’re doing matters. There will be times when you use someone’s idea even though it’s not what you would have done, because you trust them enough to believe they may know something you don’t. Build a team that is that close, and you will have more amazing ideas heading you way than you will know what to do with. This works because when you build a team that has gotten that close; you’ll know God has placed them there for a reason.

 

5 Questions With John Atkinson Pt. 4

We’re continuing our discussion of Relational Leadership this week with John Atkinson.  You can read the other posts here: introduction, Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

Question #4: What about people who aren’t naturally relational in nature- can they still lead in a relational way?

John’s Response: There may be people who just don’t have the skills to lead relationally, but my question would be, is it smart to have someone in a leadership role in the Church if they don’t have people skills. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be serving and helping change lives as an active part  the Church, but should that person be leading a group of people. I have never seen a great leader who wasn’t relational. Are there exceptions, probably, but I think they are most likely that, exceptions.

What do you think about this?  Are you a relational leader?  Can someone who’s not naturally relational lead in a relational way?  

 

5 Questions With John Atkinson Part 3

We’re continuing our discussion of Relational Leadership this week with John Atkinson.  You can read the other posts here: introduction, Part 1, and Part 2.  Here we go!

Question # 3: How Important is Relational Leadership In Coaching?

John’s Response? Relational leadership is very important in coaching because by its nature it creates trust, and trust is the key to empowerment. You’re not really coaching if you’re teaching people to lead, but then not empowering them to do it. But here’s the reality all leaders live with, we know ultimately that the buck stops with us, and that we’re responsible for everything that happens in the ministries were called to lead, so the only way you can empower leaders with the level of trust you need, is to build strong enough relationships with them that your comfortable with their integrity, character, and leadership abilities. If you will spend the time necessary building strong relationships, you will be comfortable empowering your team to lead. Does it always turn out perfect, of course not, but because it will more often than not, it’s worth whatever you have to deal with when it doesn’t.

Here’s why Relational Leadership works. Because you have spent the time needed to really care for and love your leaders, they won’t do a great job because their supposed to, they’ll do a great job because they want to. That is absolutely critical when leading a volunteer organization. But here’s where relational leadership can break down. Any one person can only manage a certain amount of relationships in the way we’re talking about, so Relational Leadership is not only leading your core group relationally, it’s teaching them to lead their groups relationally too. For example; I started with 8 small groups and quickly grew it to 25 and everything seemed to be working well. Then the ministry doubled and grew to 50 groups, which translated to 50 group leaders. I soon realized the second 25 groups weren’t as healthy as the first 25 groups, and the first 25 groups weren’t as healthy as they used to be. Why, because I had stretched myself too thin relationally. There is no way you can build the kind of relationships you need to make this system work if your group is too large. Moving forward from that I started what we call Hometeams Coordinators. Each Coordinator oversees 20 groups, and their job is to build the same kind of relationships I’ve built with them, with their 20 group leaders. When the system is set up like this, relational leadership continues through all aspects of the ministry. Each of these Coordinators leads their groups as if they were the small group pastors of a small church with 20 groups. In short, I have built enough trust in this team, that I’m willing to empower them to lead.

Thanks John, great insights!  Your thoughts?

 

 

5 Questions With John Atkinson Pt. 2

We’re continuing our discussion of relational leadership with John Atkinson.  You can read the introduction here, or Part 1 here.

Question #2: What are the keys to relationship building within a team?

John’s Response:When we first met our wives or husbands we didn’t instantly know we were going to marry them. We began spending time with them and getting to know them until a deeper relationship was built that led to a marriage. It took time to get to know someone well enough that we were willing to spend our lives with them. It’s the same with leading relationally. As leaders we must build a core group of leaders and spend enough time with them that we begin to think and act like a family.  A family loves one another, cares for one another, protects on another, and they will fight for one another. Ministry is a battle against the forces of the Enemy, a team acting and leading like a family, is an opponent to be reckoned with. When that kind of trust is built in a team, you have a force to carry out the vision God has given you.  

Your Thoughts?

 

5 Questions With John Atkinson Part 1

If you missed my introduction to John Atkinson, you can read that here.  Today we’re starting a series of posts answering 5 questions about Relational Leadership.  Please follow along this week and contribute to the conversation with your thoughts, ideas, etc, and invite your friends who are in a leadership position to stop by and join the conversation.  Okay, with all that said, here we go!

Question # 1: What is relational leadership?

John’s Response: Relational leadership is leading like Jesus modeled for us in Matthew 20:26-28. Jesus’ model was based on love and service, not on rules and regulations. Leading relationally means investing your life into a group of leaders God has placed under you. This isn’t a superficial investment; it’s pouring your life into a group of leaders that you need to help you change the world for Jesus Christ. If you will pour your heart and your life into a group of leaders, they’ll say yes when you ask them to join you in taking on Hell with water pistols.

 ²⁶ But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, ²⁷ and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. ²⁸ For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:26-28 NLT

That is what Relational Leadership is, but it’s also important to know what Relational Leadership is not. Relational Leadership is not letting a group of people run all over your leadership because you want them to like you. It’s not letting people fail at their jobs because you love them too much to tell them they’re failing. It’s not accepting mediocrity in any form because you’re afraid you’ll hurt someone you love if you confront them. There is a difference between having relationships with people, and leading relationally. The difference is, Relational Leadership must be led by Leaders.

 

Meet John Atkinson!

If you don’t know John Atkinson, a management team member at Bay Area Fellowship Church (I had to update the link to BAF- the link I put was to the Bulgarian Aikido Fellowship-hmm!) in Corpus Christi, TX, you’re missing out!  John and I met a couple of years ago and became fast friends.  In fact, John has become one of my very closest friends, and helped pray with us through the decision to move to Chicago.  John co-wrote a book with Bill Easum, church growth and consulting guru, called Go Big With Small Groups.  John did just that- helped grow a small groups ministry to over 200 groups at one of the most innovative churches in the country.  He’s now stepping into a new role- the Multisite Pastor for BAF- and he’s doing a great job!  John is leading a team that is doing some things that I honestly believe will pave the way for multisite in the future all around the country in smaller environments.

John is the epitome of the highly relational leader.  He leads from within a relationship with his people, and it’s obvious God has gifted him in this way.  Since I’m passionate about church leadership, and wired relationally myself (although I struggle with letting little details of my schedule keep me from being with people the way I need to be), I thought I’d ask John 5 questions about relational leadership.  Next week, I’ll do a series of posts asking John some important questions about relational leadership.  If you lead in any way in a church or organization, his responses are super valuable, so get out your pen and paper and take some notes-with John, you’re learning from one of the best!  Who knows, maybe part of what you read will end up in a book someday (hint, hint).