Cell Phone Heaven…

25 Jun

So Friday night my cell phone went to be with Jesus. Yes, it stopped working. I guess you could say it’s brain is minimally functioning, but the buttons don’t work. I sent an e-mail to our staff and leadership to let them know. Here’s what I said:

My cell phone went home to be with the Lord last night so if you need me shoot me an e-mail and I’ll get back with you. I don’t know what the issue is but e-mail may be the best way to reach me. I’ll be back online soon!

I knew as soon as our administrator read that e-mail she’d immediately be thinking the timing was too perfect to be a coincidence (considering this is coming out Friday) and suspected I sabotaged my phone purposefully. Anyway,this evening I received a response from one of our elders. I think you’ll appreciate this!

Brother Larry,
I suspect that your phone was never one of the elect, therefore, it is not ‘with the Lord’. Do I know this for certain? No, however, I never felt that your phone was as fruitful as one who has the Holy Spirit should be. In addition, I can clearly remember heretical statements being attributed to your phone (granted that was hearsay, but from a reliable source – Frank). Now, if you were only Catholic, you could hope that your phone was in purgatory and we could all vigorously pray for it. But you are an Oklahoma Baptist, so you are out of luck.
Larry, I believe that it is best for your long-term psychological well being, to recognize the truth, mourn over your lost phone and move on with your life. Focus on the salvation of your new phone. This can be a difficult task, since most of the newer models are post-modern in world view and conversion is rare. However, all is possible through Him who saves us!! Halleluiah!!
Brother Doug

Freakin’ Calvinist!!
I don’t like my Razr. Anyone want a free non-working cell phone?


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